Bee’s Banter : Sexual harassment.

by - 6:46 PM

Last week, we talked about feminism and how extremely different it is from sexism. This week, I’m going to be talking about sexual harassment. This topic is a very sensitive one and I just want to state that the things I would be sharing are my views. I’d just like to share my opinions as well as some of my experiences on the topic. 

Sexual harassment is one of the issues that brought about feminism and whether we agree or not, females tend to experience it more. I know guys that have been harassed or abused one way or the other. Yes, not only women get sexually abused or harassed. The male gender experience it too, but the fact that the female gender has been classified as “the weaker gender” has created this idea that they can be easily preyed on. So, the absence of biceps or muscles and that general fragile look just automatically says weak.
This is the idea that so many people have and it’s just sad and sickening. Imagine having to walk around every time with fear in your heart because you have no idea of what could happen next. I change my clothes over and over a lot of times because I don’t want to be sexualized or assaulted. I know being modest is key, but why do I have to change my outfit over and over because I’m scared that someone might not be able to control themselves. Till date, I still do not wear dresses very often. I find it difficult wearing shorts outside and I’m not even talking about the really tiny shorts right now. 

Some people insist that it’s your dressing that attracts these maniacs to you. Does this mean that hijabis don’t get abused or harassed? The truth is people will always find excuses for their actions. People will look for ways to twist and turn an event to suit their beliefs. They’d ask you why you were walking at night or why you wore a miniskirt, when the actual truth is that there is no excuse for any form of abuse. 
I was in a bus home from school once and it was kind of late. I think I was in my first year and I was just getting used to finding my way home from school. I sat beside this guy and he was trying so hard to start a conversation but I wasn’t interested because he was being too inquisitive for a stranger. I just decided to look the other way until I started feeling his hands go up my thighs. I jerked, hit his hand and yelled at him. I even said something to the conductor about switching seats but he was carried away or something. This guy did it at least 3 times and nobody seemed to have noticed. I wasn’t indecently dressed and we weren’t alone but he was still trying to stick his hand in my pant. After that incident, I swore never to travel at night and till date, I try as much as possible to avoid it.

I also recall being on two dates where the guys felt they could just touch me anyhow. The first one tried to put his hands in my shirt to grab my boob. I’m laughing really hard now because its really funny and I hope he reads this. We were out in public and this dude put his hands up my shirt. Again, I wasn’t indecently dressed and we were outside for crying out loud! It’s funny now but it’s super offensive.
The second time was at a movie and it really just changed my perspective about a few things. We were at the movies and while I was really into the movie, I feel this guy’s hand go up my thighs. We are watching a movie...why do you have your hand between my legs ? I want you to keep it in mind that I rarely wear dresses and so all these times, I was wearing trousers. 
One might say that these were just bad dates but think about how this could have switched up real quick. I’ve had worse experiences but let’s leave it at these three funny ones. It could have been  worse and their excuse would have been that I “wanted” it. A date isn’t an invitation to put your hands on me. Don’t try to put me in a position you wouldn’t want your sister to be.

I’ve had other experiences that affected me emotionally and in other different ways. Even if it was just one time, the life of a victim of abuse can change forever. It’s nothing one can imagine if you’ve never been there. So, don’t go looking for ways to pin it on the victim. I’d like to know your views on sexual abuse or harassment in the comment section.

Oh...if you don’t need to be out right now, please stay safe by remaining indoors. Comment, share, wash your hands and pray!

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  2. Its a really sensitive, and truer is that theres no excuse for it, people that indulge in these things especially those ones at yaba that have given girls from my uni tough time, they are all just animals, the lowest kind. Great write up as always Bee, sorry you had those experiences, I'm glad youre using them to enlighten and educate the world. Kind of like the misconception that cult boys will only harass you if you look like one, my year 1 wasn't funny 😂😂😂

  3. Great write-up, sorry you went through these experiences. Many ladies have gone through the same or are currently going through such. One of the solutions is to keep educating young boys about the boundaries they should adhere to and about what's right and acceptable. I believe more attention is being focused on this issue in this age than when we were younger. More education and sensitisation plus steep legal consequences are needed. Hopefully those to make the laws are not perpetrators themselves.

    1. Thank you very much for your contribution sir!

  4. Hmm, well I think some guys who engage in sexual harassment do so because of social norms and belief. I used to hang out with some so called "bad guys" some time ago and when we talked, they always boasted touching girls, rubbing their thighs and the likes. Guys who could touch girls that way were considered bad guys, and it became the ultimate aim of talking to ladies. Looking back now, it seems quite stupid to me. Not many people give a thought to it, and lesser people even admit to engaging in it. I think each and every person needs to start from him/herself and try to bring change to his immediate surroundings. Charity begins at home

    1. Exactly...because to put an end to it, everyone needs to fix it from their end. Thank you Victor.