I’m writing this on Wednesday (February 22) at   8pm and I’m going through so many emotions. Today has been very rough for me, and I’m hoping to fall asleep soon so that I can wake up feeling better. This time last year, I went through something similar and I was so glad when February ended. And as I write this, I’m realizing how much February has been a pain in the ass for me. Years ago I lost someone I loved so much also in the month of February. I believe that next February would be amazing because this is the last time I allow another February mess with me.

I miss writing here, so I wonder why I don’t do this more often. Work and life just has a way of consuming one’s time. At the beginning of the year, I was excited for the new things that I was going to be doing. I was also excited to continue with some of the old ones - like working out. Today, I’ve done something that I said I wasn’t going to. I have let myself get overwhelmed by focusing only on the negatives. I let my emotions control me and I didn’t know how to bring myself back to earth. And that’s fine because I’m human. I’m just going to take this as a reminder to take a break and pause.

Also, I’ve decided to focus on the positives more than the negatives. The “little” wins matter too. This year, I finally got my certificate after all these years. I got my first UGC collaboration. I got one step closer to a dream job. I’ve grown so much in gym and I reached a  new PR (personal record). I finally made my first 20k from cloth sales. I’ve been wanting to sell for the longest time but I didn’t know how. And this month, my first sale was above 20k. I’ve been walking up to people to tell them that I sell gym wears (check out my IG - @teaselgarms). I can be very shy and reserved, so this is a big deal for me. Another thing is I’ve been consistent with my Instagram content and creating gym content. I have all these to be thankful for. What “little” win are you thankful for? Tell me in the comments. You could be motivating somebody.

You didn’t think you would get rid of me so easily, did you? Hello there! It’s been a crazy couple of weeks and I feel amazing finally being able to be writing a blog post after all this time. I have been busy with work and trying to improve my brand. I am not done yet but I just really missed doing this. I missed my “escape”. Also, I’m either turning 25 or already have, depending on when I do post this. I’ve decided to share some of my experiences with adulthood and the lessons I’ve learnt, especially recent ones, with you. 

Things do get better.

This one has “cliche” written all over it but it’s very true.  I had a tough 2019 and 2020 wasn’t a bed of roses either. Did anyone even enjoy 2020? It felt like I had to grow up very fast and make choices that I wasn't ready for. I hated everything and it also felt like life hated me too, because I was getting hit left and right. This year I left my job without any plans and it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I'm not where I want to be right now, but I'm exactly where I need to be. I honestly imagined things to be worse, but I’m getting paid to do what I love and it still feels like a dream.

Some things need to go for others to come.

I am more at peace now than ever. I've lost friends that I thought I'd never be able to do without but even typing this now feels hilarious to me. You can't get time back. Holding on to things that you shouldn't, just because you're scared is costing you. I had to let go for things to start getting better. I also had to let go of certain emotions that I had harbored for a long time. I kept thinking about how I've been wronged by people and they needed to be punished. But the thing is God doesn’t work on our schedule. Things do not always go exactly how we feel they should. Holding on to too much will only give you a heavy heart. Having peace of mind is amazing. Let it go!

You need to completely heal from your trauma.

One thing I can say for sure is that working on myself has impacted my relationship positively. It has helped me to see myself and the world in a different light. There are so many wounds that we prefer to conceal because we think it's easier that way. It's not. They'll come back up. The crazy thing is you might not even realize it until something goes wrong. You don't want to end up passing your trauma unto your children. It's hard but you have to do it. Most of us went through horrible experiences growing up and even as adults, and most times we just pretend to be fine. Are you really fine?

You don’t need everybody.

Yes, you can’t do everything by yourself but you don’t need the whole world. One part of growing up is losing people. You either find out that you have different values or priorities than these people, or you just go out of touch. People come and go. I’ve only had a few people in my circle who I can count on anytime to come through for me, and that’s  so much better than walking with a crowd you can't rely on. It’s during times of need  that you realize that so many people are just interested in being around only for the positives. You don't need everybody, just the right ones. Remember, quality trumps quantity.

You need to keep working on yourself.

Personally, I’m working on getting more value for my time. I’ve found that I’ve been too available to people, and that’s time that could be spent on way better things. I love coming through for people and being there when they need me, but it’s a very human thing to take people for granted. I’m working on setting boundaries. To work on yourself is to increase your value and thereby improve the way you are perceived. There’s always something to learn or work on. Those little bad habits and the resolutions that you've been stalling, give them a shot. Start the course. Learn the skill. Start writing again. Pick up the book you’ve been reading for months and continue reading (secretly subbing myself). We can’t be perfect, but we can be better versions of ourselves.

I have so much more to share with you but we have time, so why rush? Let me know which lessons you resonated with the most, and what lessons you’ve learnt personally this year. Also, if you have any suggestions concerning the kinds of content you look forward to seeing on here, please leave them in the comments or reach out to me personally. I have been sharing new aspects of my life on my Instagram over a few months now so please connect with me on IG. I look forward to hearing from you all after all this time, and thank you for reading again! 

I often talk about reminding yourself to take breaks and put negative energy to the side. And it's such an important factor, especially in today's world where it seems like time is moving faster than we are. You always need to remember that you've been running for a while, but rest is much needed if you want to continue to run. It's just that amidst all the ups and downs, we can get stressed into making some bad choices even when we can already tell that the outcome would be negative.

You only live once. That's very true, and it is the motto a lot of people live by. They make certain decisions because they don't even know if they'll have the chance to do so the next minute, and it totally makes sense. It is what it is right? It's just that if you have made up your mind to make certain decisions even though they would have negative impacts, make sure it doesn't hurt bystanders. Sometimes you are tired or overwhelmed and you act on impulse. That's fine if you own up and take responsibility for your actions. You can't just go around justifying your bad decisions with the fact that life is happening to you. It's happening to everyone. Be more considerate. 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves - Philippians 2:3

PS: If you’ve always been interested in writing and you would like people to see your work, reach out to me. Also, if you are already a writer and you would like to get featured on my blog, please send me a message too. You can contact me via email or on social media. Have an amazing July❤️

Don’t grow up, it’s a scam!

If someone had told me when I was a child that in my early twenties I’d still be figuring out life, I would have called them a liar. I'm up at 1 am writing this because my thoughts are keeping me up. As a child, when anyone asked me what I wanted to be in the future, I would say a Banker. Other times it would be Lawyer, and when I started to get a bit older, it turned to Doctor. The truth was that I had absolutely no idea what it meant to be a Banker or a Lawyer at the time. It just felt like the right thing to say. Those were the kinds of professions that “responsible” adults took on. It was very normal for children to just say things like “I’m going to be a pilot”. Yes, there are some people who actually knew who they wanted to become from their childhood. I personally haven't met any so I want to assume they are just a few. They knew what they wanted as children and stuck with it till their adulthood. I just think those people are very blessed.

What influenced who I thought I wanted to be was what everyone around me said or did. “Everyone” in this context isn't limited to just the immediate people around me. It also included other people I haven't met. People that automatically assumed that artists couldn't make it enough to buy a house. I mean where did the term “starving artist” come from? It also included people that started to define happiness by whatever they personally deemed it to be. What gives everyone fulfilment isn't the same. In secondary school, I loved mathematics so much. I looked forward to going to school on days where we had it for hours. A lot of times, I wouldn't study for tests so that I could be “surprised” by whatever questions were coming. During an exam (probably NECO), I solved all theory questions instead of the 7(or was it 10?) I was supposed to, just out of curiosity and boredom. There were aspects of mathematics I avoided, but I enjoyed how much it made me use my brain. I didn't know what I could do with my love for maths and everyone already said I’d make a good doctor. I didn't want that.

Being an adult is crazy! Everyone’s path is so different, and a lot of the things we saw as children aren't the way we thought they were. Things are even way different now that the world is changing. Every time you blink, something new has been discovered. 

As a child, I was shy but I had this boldness that made me have the feeling of being okay. Even when things were falling apart, I wouldn't fall apart with them. I didn't care that my friends had this toy or had those clothes. Even as a teen, I didn't understand why people would be envious of me. But as I gradually got older, all these things started to change. My first year in the university got me introduced to “adulthood”. I started experiencing so many things that the child in me diminished. I got diagnosed with anxiety. I started caring about the things that were said about me. To make things worse, I had gone into the university to try and build a life I wasn't passionate about. It took me far too long to realise that I had caged that fearless child in me. To think that when we were children, we wanted to grow up. Growing up is inevitable. Just make sure not to lose that fearless child in you. 

Hello guys! I want to appreciate everyone who read my last blog post and encouraged me. It meant everything to me. It might have even made things better and I'm very grateful. I couldn't finish the blog post because it felt like too much. But God won't give us more than we can handle, right? I questioned a lot of the things that made me ME. And that was very tough but I can honestly say now that I'm way better than I was. I'm not where I feel like I should be just yet but I'm good and thankful.

As much as I knew I needed time away from people, things and maybe life, I also wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted to write new blog posts and take pictures and make videos, but I couldn't. I've only been able to write a few poems for my poetry page on Instagram @wordsbytab (you should check it out and please like and follow), but it has not been as smooth as it normally would. Sometimes I would tell myself to get over my “self-pity” and just do the needful. But that was just me being cruel to myself. It was never self-pity. My feelings were and are still valid. Time actually heals and you can't cheat time. 

I've had some job offers in the past month that felt like such an insult. They were always so impressed by my CV but refused to pay well for the services they required. Then there were jobs that I honestly did not want even with the very attractive package. But when I found out that I didn't get them, it made me sad. Why should I be sad about something I didn't want? The fact that I'm able to write this blog post is a huge deal for me. This means progress and you're experiencing this moment with me. This is a reminder that you are human and you have emotions. If you need time, then you need it. If you cheat yourself, your body will make up for it somehow. Going through such a low period and then seeing people out there making it was tough on me. Even with the knowledge that it isn't entirely real, social media can take a toll on you. My anxiety level has been through the roof these past months like never before. I needed the time I took. If you need the time, take it. Don't push it. You might end up making things worse and it's not just worth it love.

Be Your Own Valentine.

Last month we had to deal with the pressure of New year’s resolutions. This month, it’s Valentine’s. February is known as the season of love and just know that throughout this month and even a little bit into March, you would have to deal with a lot of heart shaped balloons and talking teddy bears. It’s Valentine’s and almost everyone wants to show how much they love someone or that they are loved. Just like the new year, Valentine comes with its own pressure. What happens when I don’t get a gift? Does that mean no one loves me? Why do I even ever have to ask myself that question? Who could love me better than me? Before diving into self love, let’s first go a little bit back in time.

The History Of Valentine’s Day.

Although we associate the 14th of February (and maybe even the entire month) with romance, the actual story is far from chocolate hearts, dinner reservations and surprise proposals. In fact, Valentine’s day is more religious than romantic. According to Wikipedia, it actually started out as a celebration/holiday to honor Saint Valentine who was a Christian Martyr. This means that he died as a result of his declaration of his faith in Jesus Christ. As different additions were made to the story, somehow it all became related to love. One legend claims that Valentine actually sent a gift to a girl he fell in love with after he was jailed which he signed “from your valentine”. It was also said that the girl was his jailer’s daughter. 

Self Love.

Who could be more worthy of your love if not you? Loving yourself isn't selfish at all. Being selfish means that you lack consideration for others and that you are mainly concerned with your gain or pleasure without caring if it affects others, even if it's in a negative light. Loving one's self doesn’t hinder you from loving anyone else. In fact, I believe that genuinely loving yourself can help you love others better. It would also set the tone and or boundary for other people’s love towards you. I wouldn’t expect to be treated like a Queen when I don't even think that highly of myself. So, this valentine, take out time to show yourself that you love YOU.

5 Steps to take towards loving yourself.

1.Be Kind to Yourself: We all make mistakes but how we react to them are different. Some people act like they are right when they do and refuse to agree with anyone that’s trying to correct or advise them. Others get emotional and try to learn from their mistakes. But there are some people who beat themselves up, call themselves names and even try to “punish” themselves when they do something wrong or fail at something. Be kind to yourself. You should be your own best friend as well as your cheerleader. 

2. Forgive Yourself: How could you not? Forgive yourself for the things you have done to others and the ones you did to yourself. Forgive yourself for everything. Do it over and over, because you aren’t perfect. To read further on this, click here.

3. Say “I LOVE YOU”: Tell yourself that you love YOU. When we truly love ourselves, we find that we are a whole new being. Your level of confidence goes up and you find yourself doing the things that you didn’t think you could. Loving one’s self comes with a glow and healthy pride that others can see. It changes the way people see you and relate with you. Compliment yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful or handsome. Once you know and believe that, there’s no way in the world that someone out there would make you feel less.

4. Kill Your Insecurity: Kill that thing that tells you that you’re not enough (not your ex though). Your weight or dress size doesn’t define your worth. I have said this over and over and I’m saying it again. Sad people tend to project their

5. Reward Yourself: It’s valentine’s after all. Get yourself something you love! Encourage yourself with uplifting words. Make it clear to yourself that you are proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Take care of yourself.

Bonus: Cut out every toxic branch. Whether it is a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a colleague, a job or even a family member. You can’t be trying to improve yourself while someone somewhere continues to sabotage all your hard work. Do not let bitter people project their insecurities onto your life. I love you. Happy Valentine's❤.