this is surviving

by - 5:01 AM


Hey beautiful people! How are you guys doing? (I’ve been watching too much YouTube...this sounds like Dennyslavia’s intro).

I hope you’ve been way better than I’ve been.

I’m writing this at 4 am wishing I could sleep. It’s a public holiday today(worker’s day) but I’m still thinking of how much work I have to do. It’s really been overwhelming. Life...I mean.

Yesterday I cried my eyes out. You know that pain in your throat that just stays because you’re trying not to cry. I had to cry. I just had to. I’ve been trying to be “strong” and understand that I’m not the only one going through it. But honestly, that sucks because I’m not a selfish person. I just really need someone to be there when I need a hug. 

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve just been struggling with having my emotions out there. Why should I be ashamed of how I feel? Why shouldn’t I want to post this on my blog because I don’t want to come off as soft or sad? It’s called the African bee for a reason. It’s me writing things the way I feel them. Why do I care so much?  

These past few weeks, I’ve tried my best to be there for people who need it-people I can help.

But I’ve been so emotionally tired through everything. I’m not complaining but I’ve just been so tired and every time I just wanted someone to look back at me and know that I need a hug. I don’t want to always have to act a certain way for people who care about me to know I’m falling apart on the inside.

I fell ill while trying to feel better. You know how when you were little, you were treated a little bit special? Lol...none of that. Not that I was expecting it, cos I fall ill quite often (I’m not sick or anything...Nigeria just doesn’t work well with me). I have more feelings to “express” but I have a headache so I’m going to stop.

Be gets better. It certainly does get better but before it does, it’s not easy. 

This Rupi Kaur’s poem is what inspired me to write this blogpost(especially the “feeling used and uncared for” part). I’m probably not going to read through this post because it might make me not want to post the post. 

Okay, now I’m just spewing trash. It’s this damn headache. Here’s the poem: 

there’s nothing wrong with you

this is growth 

this is transformation 

protecting yourself 

getting lost in the noise 

figuring it out

feeling used

uncared for

losing hope 

burning out

this is fear

this is processing 

this is surviving

this is being alive 

journey -  rupi kaur

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  1. I’m glad you posted the post 😊....tbvh, I feel a lot of people have been going through stuff and they’ve not been able to talk about it...talking helps....and I hope you feel a lot better soon 😘😘

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  3. You are loved*
    Don't forget that 💙

  4. So its not just been me unable to bottle it any longer? Thats good to know. We just need to remember that we're strong and we will always be fine