Bee's Banter

by - 11:37 AM

Earlier today I scrolled down my Instagram page and watched my old videos. I looked at how happy I was in the videos even with the little I had. I looked at the pictures and how I took them. I used to get ready for my pictures. As in if I had an idea of a picture I wanted to take, I would prepare for it. I am not vain. It’s just my love for photography. In my house, I have pieces of fabrics that were leftover from my sewing that I use as backdrops when I take pictures. I even have one that used to be my mom’s tablecloth when she catered events. My videos were so beautiful. I could see the effort in using the little I had, to make something so meaningful.  I would post videos and people would watch them over and over and tell me how creative they thought I was. I enjoyed making videos and taking pictures, and they didn’t even have to be of me. I used to have people reach out to me to make videos for them. I still do. I have won two social media contests with videos that I didn’t even put a lot of thought into. I’m saying all these (or writing) to make you understand my love for it. And I’m saying everything in past tense not because I have stopped doing them but because I don’t do them as much and it kind of hurts. 

So many people used to make fun of me when I would make videos. Some said that it was because I had so much time on my hands. They would make me feel stupid for doing the things I loved doing and knew how to do so well, but would later ask me to take pictures of them or help them make a video. Honestly, I wish I never listened. Although I didn’t stop altogether, I would be lying if I said all those things didn’t bother me. Apart from the trolls, life has a way of killing your dreams. I could tell you all the things I want to be. I know all of them. 

Before I started blogging, I remember I used to write in Junior secondary school. The first time I showed someone something I wrote, I overheard them talking about how trashy it was. They were my English teachers. Maybe they didn't know that I heard, but I did. I had a book where I would write poems and stories.  I probably threw it away after crying. I mean, what I wrote probably wasn’t the best but I stopped writing until I discovered it again in my second year in the university.

I was going to write about something entirely different this week but I just found myself going in an entirely different direction. I have an 8 to 5 job. I could write a 10-page article on how I feel about this job and it would be mostly negative. I cried a lot when I first started working there.  I was clueless about a lot of things. I felt so alone a lot of times. I ended up doing things I didn’t enjoy.  On some days I feel like I deserve more. On other days I just tell myself that I am lucky and I should be grateful. I tried to take out time to take pictures or make videos but there was never enough time. These past two weeks have been crazy. I’m exhausted. I just woke up and I have a headache. Pardon my French but I’ve taken the shit out of painkillers. I’m always tired. Today I nearly passed out at the office.

Someone said the only way to enjoy your job is for it to not feel like a job. And the only way to do that is to look for something that’s fun for you to make money. My point is to never let go of the things that make you happy. Life can be dark sometimes and on such days, you need to be able to light yourself up.

PS: I wrote this a week ago. If you could tell me that one thing that you do and you love so much in the comment section, it would be really nice.

I love you 💜

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  1. I enjoy volleyball even though i can be really bad at it. But there are things i am great at and i enjoy thoroughly. They help cover up for the things i am bad at, and let me enjoy them anyway.

    Here is my lightbulb on this topic... You are more likely to enjoy doing something you are really good at than something you suck at. And Happiness is an enabler; thus, you will do better at things when you are happy doing them.

    Welldone bee!

  2. I miss your videos sooo much. I was and I still am a huge fannn of your contentsss🤩🤩🤩

  3. This blog post just made me reminisce old times! That was when I met you and even my friends around me knew you cause I was always watching your videos then!

  4. Cooking, that's the most enjoyable thing I've done as job among other things.
    I think the best you can do for yourself is never giveup and use other jobs as a means to an end.
    Regardless of what people say don't give up, it might be carzy hard stil don't.

    I love you too Bee

    1. Thanks hun❤️ I'd love to eat something you make😌

  5. One word everyone that knows you will describe you with is " creative."
    Sometimes I wonder if you know how creative you are, but that's by the way.

    So one piece of advice I'd like to give is to try to use your current job to fund your dreams.

    It might take a lot of time to reach your goals; the most important thing is planning.

    Love always from my side Bee💓

  6. I love my job. Even though sometimes it can be frustrating cause it feels like my job doesn't love me back, if that makes sense😅. I also love writing. From the moment I get the idea for a new story to the point where I finish the first draft and show my friends is always a really exciting period. Although, I'm on a break now cause submitting my work to different online literary magazines and getting rejected by every one of them is kind of depressing.

    One of the things that keeps me going though is that I see it as relationships. I mean, when you love someone it isn't always going to be pretty but ultimately you keep pushing cause this is the thing that makes you happy.

    1. Let's not even go into the issue of getting submissions rejected. Taking a break sometimes is very necessary